Today marked my first "Personal" Post posted. A new journey started, and here I was embarking on my own, all alone wondering where this might take me and who I might meet and how I would feel about it in a day, a week, a month or a year.... would I still be here? Or would I have long forgotten this adventure?
I spent today wondering who I should ask to read it and how I would feel about them reading it, and so I got to thinking about how some days its easier to be anonymous and talk to strangers than it is to chat with friends.
There are so many less expectations on you when the person reading your work is a stranger. The stranger comes, unaware of your personal life, your opinions, your history. They read what you write for what it is and nothing else. There's no reading between the lines, no making more of something than there is. Everything is black and white to them, the way it should be.
Of course this leads your writing to take on a form of its own. This worries me a little, OK who am I kidding, it worries me A LOT. I don't think I would ever be described by anyone as a very opinionated person, I don't even know if very close friends would think of me in that way. I keep my opinions very close to my chest, like an armor I suppose. They are my beliefs, my ideas and my way of thinking. I try and choose what I say carefully, however sometimes I find that my words run a little further away from me than I would like. Its not something that happens often, but when it does its always uncomfortable. Its usually when someone gets me on a topic where my opinion is completely different to theirs and just happens to be one of those things I feel very strongly about. Then I have to worry about how upset or offended I might make someone else feel.
I worry about this when I type.... usually my fingers can go much faster than my brain. Once something is posted and out there, then I start to reflect on what I have written and then the doubts rain down on me. Its a personal hang up that I really should forget about. People make what they make of you on their own, no amount of work or lack of trying will usually change their opinion of you once it is set.
So after contemplating what I had written, how it would be received and how I felt about the possible outcomes I decided I needed to find a stranger to read it. While that may come across as I don't want my friends and family involved, that's far from the case. I just felt that someone outside of the circle of "knowing me" was best. Eventually I will share this journey with friends and family, but for now I think it will stay my personal journey; and for as long as I can, I will keep it fresh, honest and revealing.
A very grateful thank you to Angela of Yes Dear fame for being my "stranger" to read my ramblings. Its much appreciated.