I often wonder why I sit up so late when I really should be in bed. Long before I get to bed each night my youngest starts waking up. Usually the easiest way to get her to resettle is to lay her in the arm chair in the lounge room while I potter around doing what ever has taken my fancy, which I know is totally the "wrong" thing to do... :) .
Even though I know thats its rare to get to 10pm without her getting up, I never go to bed early....and if for some silly reason I do....I lay there wide awake. Its not like I even sleep in, I drag my over tired and aching body out of bed before 5:30 every morning.....so you would think when I have that "OMG I am so tired" feeling every morning that I would learn to go to bed.
Add to that a toddler that spends most of her night tossing and turning in my bed all night, where hubby and I take turns in being kicked or patted or whacked all night.... You would think I would go to bed. But no here I am at nearly 11pm for absolutely no reason posting on my blog. Maybe its because I have so much to do that I just cant go to bed for fear of that overwhelming feeling that I failed today. Maybe its because my mind is racing with a million things that I need to do, need to say, should have done and should have said. Or maybe its just because minus the few cries from my little one, this is the absolute only time in any given day when I can have five minutes to myself....when I dont have to talk, say no, argue or reason. When I dont have to get drinks, cut fruit, read books or wipe bottoms.
So while I hate dragging myself out of bed in the morning, I will do it and feel better for it and for now I will sit up into the dark of night wasting time on things I dont need to do, while the important stuff sits undone and unfinished. I might regret it tomorrow but tomorrow night will be just the same.